Getting Off the Wrong Train: Recognizing When It’s Time to Change Course in Life

There’s a certain wisdom in this quote:

“If you get on the wrong train, be sure to get off at the first stop. The longer you stay on, the more expensive the return trip is going to cost you.  (NOTE: This is not about trains).”

It’s simple but profound—a metaphor for the choices we make, the paths we take, and the moments we realize we’re heading somewhere we don’t want to go. It’s a reminder that recognizing missteps early can save us time, energy, and heartache.

I often hear clients wrestle with this very dilemma. They might not describe it as being on the “wrong train,” but the feelings are the same: stuck, uncertain, or afraid to admit that a choice, relationship, job, or behavior isn’t serving them anymore. Let’s unpack what this metaphor means and how to apply it in your life.

Step 1: Recognizing You’re on the Wrong Train

Sometimes, we don’t realize we’ve boarded the wrong train until we’re well on our way. But there are usually signs—gut feelings, nagging doubts, or a sense of disconnection. Here are a few indicators you might be heading in the wrong direction:

• You’re ignoring red flags. Whether it’s in a relationship, a job, or a personal habit, you might notice signs that something feels “off,” but you dismiss them, hoping things will improve on their own.
• You feel drained, not fulfilled. The right train energizes you, even when the ride is challenging. The wrong train leaves you feeling empty, stuck, or overwhelmed.
• You keep making excuses. If you find yourself justifying your decisions with “I’ll give it one more week” or “It’s not that bad,” it might be time to take a closer look.
• You dread the journey. If you wake up every day feeling anxious or unhappy about where you’re headed, that’s your inner compass trying to tell you something.

Step 2: Getting Off at the First Stop

The idea of “getting off the train” can feel daunting, especially if you’ve invested time, energy, or emotion into a decision. But staying on will only deepen the cost. Here’s how to take that first brave step:

Pause and Reflect

• Ask yourself, “Why am I staying on this train?”
• What fears or beliefs are keeping you from getting off? For example, are you afraid of what others will think, or do you feel obligated to stick it out?

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Admitting that something isn’t working can stir up guilt, shame, or sadness. Allow yourself to feel those emotions—they’re part of the process. But remember, feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong choice.

Start Small

Getting off the wrong train doesn’t mean you have to overhaul your life overnight. It might look like setting boundaries, having a difficult conversation, or seeking guidance from a trusted friend or therapist.

Step 3: The Cost of Staying On

The longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive the return trip becomes. But what exactly is the “cost”?

• Emotional Cost: Staying in an unfulfilling situation can lead to resentment, burnout, or even depression.
• Time Cost: Time is the one resource we can’t get back. The longer you stay on the wrong train, the more you delay your journey toward something better.
• Relational Cost: Clinging to the wrong relationship or dynamic can harm both you and the other person involved, preventing growth and connection.
• Opportunity Cost: Every moment you spend heading in the wrong direction is a moment you could be moving toward something more aligned with your values and goals.

Step 4: Trust the Process

Getting off the wrong train might mean stepping into the unknown, and that can feel scary. But here’s the truth: the first stop is where the healing begins. It’s where you reclaim your power and start steering your life in a direction that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Some Questions to Explore in Therapy:

• What “train” are you on right now, and how did you get there?
• What would it feel like to make a change? What fears come up?
• What values or goals are most important to you, and is this train taking you closer to them—or farther away?

A Reminder for the Journey

Changing course isn’t failure; it’s wisdom. It takes courage to admit when something isn’t working and even more courage to step off the train and wait for the right one. Whether it’s a relationship, a career path, or even a way of thinking, trust that it’s never too late to get back on track.

Because here’s the good news: no matter how far you’ve gone, the right train is always waiting. All you have to do is take the first step toward it.