Why Seeing a Gay Counselor Matters More Than You Think

You finally made the decision to go to therapy. You did the research, found a highly rated therapist who lists “LGBTQ+ affirming” in their bio, and scheduled your first session. They’re warm, supportive, and clearly an ally. But something still feels… off.

Maybe they nod sympathetically when you talk about the frustration of dating as a gay man, but they don’t quite get what it means to be ghosted by someone you met on an app five minutes after arranging the logistics. Maybe they’re supportive of your open relationship but don’t have the language to talk about what that actually looks like in practice. Maybe you mention that you feel out of place in the gay community as you get older, and they give you a gentle smile but don’t offer much insight.

The truth is, there’s a world of difference between a therapist who supports gay people and one who actually knows what it means to live as a gay man. That difference is the reason so many men come to me after working with well-meaning, affirming therapists who just didn’t fully understand their reality.

Because I know what it’s like.

I know what it feels like to age in a community that often worships youth.
I know what it’s like to fight with your boyfriend in a world that doesn’t always believe in your relationship.
I know the frustration of preparing to bottom, only for the guy to cancel at the last minute.
I know the sting of feeling like an outsider in high school, in your own family, or even within the LGBTQ+ community itself.

And beyond my own experience, I’ve spent thousands of hours sitting with gay men as they navigate these struggles. Therapy is more than just a space to be heard—it’s a space to be understood. And that understanding can make all the difference.

The Issues That Bring Gay Men to Therapy

There are universal mental health concerns—anxiety, depression, trauma—but gay men face unique challenges that a specialized therapist can help unpack. Here are just a few that come up in my office regularly:

1. Mental Health and Well-Being

The statistics don’t lie: gay men experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidality than the general population. Minority stress, internalized homophobia, and a lifetime of navigating rejection (whether overt or subtle) take a toll.

Loneliness is another major issue, particularly as we get older. Many of us spent years searching for our chosen family, only to find that the spaces we used to frequent no longer feel welcoming as we age. And in parts of Texas where LGBTQ+ social spaces are limited, that isolation can feel even heavier.

2. HIV/AIDS and Sexual Health

Yes, PrEP has revolutionized HIV prevention, but that doesn’t mean the stigma is gone. Despite medical advancements, many gay men still struggle with the lingering shame, fear, or misinformation around HIV. For those living with HIV, the emotional and social burdens can be just as challenging as the medical side of things.

And let’s be real—many therapists are uncomfortable talking about gay sex. Whether it’s concerns about hookup culture, navigating non-monogamy, or just discussing sexual health openly, having a therapist who actually understands and talks about these topics without judgment is invaluable.

3. Dating, Relationships, and Community

Gay dating has changed dramatically with the rise of apps. While these platforms offer access to connection, they also bring unique stressors—ghosting, body shaming, endless swiping without deeper connection.

Relationships look different in our community too. Whether you’re navigating monogamy, open relationships, or something in between, these dynamics require thoughtful conversations that many straight-leaning therapists simply aren’t equipped to facilitate.

4. Discrimination and Legal Challenges

Yes, progress has been made, but discrimination is still a reality. Gay men in Texas (and beyond) continue to face obstacles in employment, housing, healthcare, and public life. And for those in rural or conservative areas, being out can still come with very real risks.

Even within spaces that claim to be inclusive, microaggressions and biases persist. Knowing how to navigate those challenges in a way that protects your mental health and self-worth is crucial.

5. Aging and Long-Term Care

One of the hardest truths about getting older as a gay man is that many of us don’t have traditional family structures to rely on. Some of us are estranged from our biological families. Some never had children. And as a result, aging can bring a unique kind of loneliness.

Long-term care facilities and retirement communities often fail to accommodate LGBTQ+ identities. I’ve worked with men who worry about being forced back into the closet when they move into assisted living, simply because they fear discrimination from staff or other residents. These are conversations that require more than just generic reassurance—they require lived experience and an understanding of the realities we face.

So, Why Choose a Gay Counselor?

Because representation matters. Because experience matters. Because therapy is about more than just being heard—it’s about feeling deeply understood.

An affirming therapist will support you. A gay therapist will get you.

I often tell my clients that therapy should feel like exhaling. You shouldn’t have to educate your therapist about your reality before you can even begin the real work. When you sit down in my office, there’s no need to explain the cultural nuances of being a gay man in Texas—I already understand them.

And that understanding makes all the difference.

So if you’ve tried therapy before and felt like something was missing, maybe it wasn’t you. Maybe it was the therapist. Maybe it’s time to work with someone who doesn’t just accept your identity, but lives it too.